Why I struggle to make ‘mum friends’.

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When I got pregnant, I think a small part of me assumed that I end up with this amazing circle of friends. We’d all be mums and take our kids to do stuff together, but we’d also do stuff without them. I don’t have a huge group of friends, and so I thought it was be a good chance to gain a bigger support network.

However, I’m 19 months down the line and after trying to meet people naturally and using all of the parent based apps there are on the market, I can say I’ve made 2 ‘mum friends’.

Making friends (I believe) is an extremely difficult task once you’ve left school. You meet people at work, but unless you’re really lucky, your work friends are just a different type of friend. Other than work, it’s hard to find a way to organically make new friends. Hence I thought, “well having a baby will surely make things easier?” – it does not.

I find it difficult to make friends, I’m very introverted and so when I meet new people I feel I have to be an extrovert and so I end up coming across a bit weird because I’m trying so hard to make people like me. Although becoming a mum has chilled me out a lot, and made it easier to talk to new people, I’ve found that regardless of whether you have kids in common with someone that doesn’t automatically mean that you’re bound to get on.

You have to have common ground that doesn’t revolve around children, but also at the same time, if you have different parenting styles (and you weren’t friends pre children) then it’s hard to figure out if you have anything in common at all. If you can tell you wouldn’t be friends before you had kids, then you probably won’t get on regardless (unless you have a similar parenting style or you’re similar people now you’ve had children).

I was slightly naive in thinking I’d make this whole new team of friends, but I think when you see so many things in films and TV and books about mums and dad’s just automatically getting on, you assume that will be the case. I’m aware that a lot of people will probably feel very differently to me, and if so that’s awesome and I’m genuinely happy for you – this is just my own personal experience.

Don’t get me wrong, most of my friends live all over the country and it can be lonely not having many friends who understand, but the best group of friends I’ve got live under the same roof as me. So don’t feel too bad for me.

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6 thoughts on “Why I struggle to make ‘mum friends’.”

  1. I love this post, I saw it right at the right time in my life! Ironically, when my friends and I started having kids, that’s when we stopped being friends. It’s been two years since then and right when I came to terms with not having mom friends and accepting it fully, that’s when I finally made one mom friend. She’s my next-door neighbor so it’s easier when we see each other all the time. Like you, I’m also an introvert and she’s an extrovert so I was extremely surprised when she admitted that she has a hard time making true mom friends too. Our husbands have been pointing out that lately we’ve been spending more time with each other than with them, but we both agree that having someone to go get your nails done with or go shopping just to escape the kids for a little while has been so nice for both of us because we’ve started to remember that we’re not just moms, we’re also hard-working women who need girl time every once in a while. It makes it better that our kids love playing together even though their age ranges are a few years apart. I truly believe that we find our mom friends when we need them the most and that we can’t rush it.

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    • That’s so lovely, I’m truly happy for you. Sometimes when you’re a parent there’s nothing more you need than that 1 good friend who you can just have a cup of coffee and talk with. I definitely agree that it’s one of those ‘when you stop looking, that’s when it will happen’ scenarios. Enjoy time with your new friend – you deserve it!

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