I’d never considered the fact that I was ‘estranged’ from one of my parents. I knew that we were no longer on speaking terms, and that I didn’t consider them a parent anymore. It wasn’t until I read this post that I went, “holy shit I’m estranged from one of my parents”.
Now this might sound like a really odd thing to think, but for around 4 years now I’ve had no contact with this person other than the odd email, and for the last year I’ve had no direct contact at all. I personally just consider them an acquaintance from my past, but seeing some one say they were estranged from their parent really resonated with me, because I’d never considered it as an ‘estranged’ relationship.
Many years of pain, hurt and anger led up to this estrangement (on both our parts) and honestly, I don’t see any way of getting past it anymore. It’s so difficult to have a relationship like this with a parent, because people will say “well they’re still your mum/dad” – which is very true, but if anyone else were to treat you in a way that mentally and emotionally hurt you, would you be expected to just deal with it? I dealt with a lot of issues for many years, that I wouldn’t have otherwise taken on my shoulders if they weren’t my parent.
It finally got too much after one disagreement and I couldn’t take it anymore.
What’s difficult is seeing other people with such strong and loving relationships with their parents and going “why don’t I deserve this”, which is just the child in me talking (but still sad nonetheless). However, I’ve slowly been dealing with this feeling and I’ve found the best way to deal with it is by making sure my own child will never feel the way that I did.
The biggest heartbreak that has come from my estrangement with a parent, is not losing the parent, but losing the rest of my family. Unfortunately, although I never made it a “me or them” situation, that’s ultimately what it became, and my lack of family at my own wedding can probably give you a hint of what side they chose.
Although I still struggle to understand the whole situation and dynamic I’m now in, I’m learning that no matter what anyone says, it is not my fault. I still have an incredible parent and wonderful step parents, and my in laws are amazing.
But best of all is the fact that I have Mark and Grayson, who are my life and soul and why should I ever worry about someone who makes me feel like shit when I have them in my life?
If you have an estranged parent/parents or family member, I hope you have wonderful friends and other family or a support network that make you feel loved and appreciated. It’s a difficult situation to be in, one that I’m not sure if it ever goes away, but it definitely gets easier.